Dreams Unfulfilled; English Short Story
Author: Deepak Budki
Translator: Jawahar Lal Bhat
Rajni shifted to Delhi with her husband with the
hope that she would be able to enforce her dominance upon him but she failed.
She actually wanted to be at a place where there would be none of her relatives
or acquaintances around. The reason for this abnormal attitude was not
unfounded. The colour of her skin was, unfortunately, jet black and the sorriest
part of it was that those around her were all fair in complexion and widely
famed for this distinguishing feature. Because of this shortcoming, she faced serious
antipathy right from her childhood for none of her faults. Rajni was compelled
to tolerate severe humiliation every passing moment even without any direct
reference to it. She had now grown almost accustomed to it and didn’t utter
even a word of protest though she thought once in a while, “What’s my fault?
God has created me like that. Why do people hate me? In my childhood, my parents
felt averse to me. In school my class fellows maintained distance and now I’m
craving for the love of my husband.”
It is said marriages are settled in heaven and no
wisdom or cleverness whatsoever can alter these settlements but it cannot also
be denied if a woman of any position is unable to bear the insult of any kind
arising out of such wedlock she fights it tooth and nail. She is ready to take cudgels with the whole
world before any further damage is done. Her mental agony was such that If her
parents were alive today she would catch them by the collar and ask them with
all her force, “Why did you give me in marriage to such a fine-looking person,
whose face is the envy of even the angels? Why didn’t you select a person of
average looks like me so that I would not face desperation like this? It is
because of you that my life has become hell.”
Her father had settled her marriage in her
infancy with the son of his friend and only after a few months, the marriage was
solemnized. Child marriages were common in those days. Everyone who heard was
shocked to think about this mismatch -- a boy white as snow was hitched to a
jet-black girl. Those days as per tradition parents would settle marriages of
their sons and daughters themselves and the children especially girls did not
have any say whatsoever even though it concerned their future. Before marriage neither the groom nor the bride was allowed to see the partner, hence the question of raising an objection
did not arise. Moreover, they used to be too young to understand the purpose of marriage. It was many years after the
marriage that they came to terms with each other as husband and wife. Initially, Rajni and Raghunath, unaware of what had befallen them, played games together,
accompanied each other to market, and enjoyed their childhood pranks merrily
knowing little they were wedded as life partners. With time when
they attained maturity, Raghunath realized that he was compelled to live his
entire life in the future with this pitchy girl, it was in truth a shock of his
life. He decided to maintain a constant distance from Rajni because he could never
accept her as his wife. Both of them had fallen into such a serious dilemma
that they could neither agree nor disagree with the situation. Finding no way
out they quietly resolved to carry the burden of each other for the rest of their
lives.
Having endured the humiliation for a pretty long
time, Rajni thought that the only way out of the situation was to move
permanently to some other place, away from her ill-tempered mother-in-law who
taunted her at her every step as also her escapist father-in-law who chose to
ignore his home and instead go to the sacred temple atop the hill to take
shelter under the feet of Mother Goddess, apart from her brothers-in-law and
sisters-in-law who invariably coerced her into submission. One day she said to Raghunath, “What’s the benefit of your doing MA, BT and serving here for a pittance? Your salary, a
mere one hundred and fifty rupees does not suffice even the family
expenditures not to speak of any savings. My brother-in-law in Delhi is only
BA and BT and is getting a salary of Five Hundred per month from his job in a
school besides Three Hundred from private tuition. He enjoys a comfortable
life.”
“You are right. I too have been thinking of a
change but cannot find a way out. what to do with such a large family?”
“That’s no issue. Your dad is here. He should be
able to manage it. Your brothers will also earn sooner or later. Moreover,
we’ll send them some money regularly.”
The suggestion seemed sound and workable. Raghunath was also worried about the daily bickering at home. Without
thinking much he agreed. After a couple of weeks, they packed their bags and in
no time landed in Delhi.
On reaching Delhi Rajni felt as if she had been
set free from life imprisonment. When
the cage of a confined bird is opened all of a sudden it goes crazy, spreads
its wings all at once and with nervous excitement escapes from the cage and
flies higher and higher in the vast skies. While basking in the glory of
freedom it neither feels hungry nor weary so much so it forgets that the next
moment it may fall prey to a hunter's arrow.
Sometimes a person ridden with inferiority and
insecurity takes a ruinous self-destructive route which destroys his or her
established world. Rajni had thought by shifting to Delhi she would be able to
get her husband under her thumb for the fulfilment of her dreams but the results
proved contrary to her aspirations. Raghunath was already averse to her and
this change of environment and forced isolation did not in any way help her to
bring him physically closer. His aversion to her black colour could not be
washed away, neither with time nor with isolation in a city full of strangers.
Rajni, still optimistic, acted as a dutiful Hindu wife with a strong conviction
that her husband would ultimately come back and give her the rightful place as
a wife sooner or later. The reason for this firm belief, she thought, was that
he had not divorced her all these years despite the distaste he had for
her.
When a woman is not sexually satisfied with her
husband, she either tries to find substitutes or seeks refuge in God. Rajni
belonged to the latter category. She visited many reputed holy men and women for the redressal of her problems but couldn't find any immediate remedy. However she
was satisfied on one count, she had succeeded in escaping the pungent taunts of
her mother-in-law and the neglect of her father-in-law. She had opted for a different
environment away from her so-called nears and dears where she was busy making her own little world. Her creative abilities also came to the fore. She
engaged herself in art and crafts and taught it to some girls in the
neighbourhood. Rajni started taking further strides to actualize her dreams.
Slowly her circle of friends began to increase. Her husband was following a
very busy schedule. He would leave for his job early in the morning and return
late in the evening because half of his time would be wasted on DTC buses.
Thus there was nobody to stop her or keep watch on her movements during the
day. One thing she ensured was that she would be at her home before her husband
returned from his work.
The city was quite unknown to both of them and
everyone was a stranger. Both of them in fact liked to get lost in this unknown
world with no inhibitions of any kind. There were neither prohibitions from parents
nor fear of relatives and acquaintances. On one hand, Rajni steadily built up
a large network of friends and new acquaintances while on the other, Raghunath
engaged himself in activities that kept him busy till late into the night.
Rajni followed a free schedule of calling on new friends’ houses along with
casual visits to her sister who was, in fact, instrumental in her shifting to
Delhi.
Raghunath felt at the top of the world as soon as
he got a teaching job in a Delhi School. He began flying in the free open air with nobody around to curb his movements and freedom. Every day, new friends
and acquaintances entered his circle. Soon he was hooked with friends addicted
to wine and women that lured him to such parties frequently. As is common with
such associations, he fell headlong into these evils and before long it became
his routine visiting bars and prostitution. It meant that whatever he earned
was almost totally spent on his extravagance. His concern for his original
home, parents and kin all evaporated and became things of the remote past.
Not long after Raghunath had joined his new job
he got associated with a lady teacher Purnima Mehta, a white-complexioned
Punjabi young woman. They met usually on the bus while they travelled to school and soon the association turned into courtship. Raghunath fell headlong
into this relationship with Purnima because he wanted to fill the vacuum of his
married life. Both of them took no time to come close to each other and before
they would realize its consequence it was too late. It was a strange fire of
emotions that overshadowed all other affiliations. At home, the behaviour of
Raghunath changed altogether. He came as
a guest, stayed as a stranger, and left as a wayfarer. His aversion for Rajni
seemed to deepen further day after day. In her, he saw a ferocious demoness that
was always ready to devour him. By the time she came to know about the cause of
his strange behaviour, things had gone out of her hands. She knew how complicated
it had become. It was not easy to take cudgels with other women, especially
professional prostitutes but still, Rajni took courage and wreaked havoc in
Purnima's home as well as in the office by speaking all ugly to her in the presence of
her friends and colleagues. Regarding the prostitutes, she didn’t dare to face them as they were organized and lived in a hostile environment.
Unconcerned and unaware of it all Raghunath was
engrossed in his own world. Such a wholehearted engagement makes one blind to
the extent of ruin. Raghunath had caught a dreaded sexually transmitted disease
at some prostitute house which was revealed to him a few years later. Even high-class specialized treatment didn’t help him as his condition turned for the
worse. After it was confirmed that he
would have to live the remaining days of his life in the same condition, he
introspected, “What’s the fun of living this hell of a life? If I’m not to live
for ten years, let it be only for ten days!” So instead of atoning and becoming
repentant, he passed the remaining days of his life fearlessly upholding his
usual routine. His wife continued grieving, beating her chest and shedding
tears of grief but Raghunath remained carefree as ever.
To gain sympathy, Rajni tried to fall
back upon her relatives back home who she had abandoned long back. None of them
showed any adequate sympathy as they couldn't forget the day when she had
absconded along with her husband and forsaken her home and parents-in-law in
deplorable condition never to look back. Actually, those who would have still
sympathized with her were already dead while those who were there had withdrawn
forever their interest and fellow feelings from their minds for her. Regarding
the couple's relationship as husband and wife, it had already reduced to just
for namesake devoid of any emotional bondage.
Raghunath tried to keep himself tangled so deeply
in his illicit preoccupations that he would brush aside even his final
knock of death. Nothing can be said how much he succeeded in his plans but the expected call was received by him soon. He breathed his last at his home in the
presence of his wife Rajni without any obvious struggle with death. It was
about ten years before he would have put in his papers for retirement.
Raghunath had really planned his death. In his
Will, which he seemed to have written with a very cool mind, he had declared his
wife Rajni eligible for his pension and other benefits from the Government and
for his other savings and assets he had willed for the formation of a Trust
under the control of the Government for the poor and needy children of the school
where he last worked.
“I, Raghunath Sapru, son of Jagan Nath Sapru,
resident of 53/C Tagore Garden, New Delhi, do solemnly declare that my marriage
with Smt Rajni Sapru has been the greatest tragedy of my life. Our married life
has permanently been full of severe discord still I don’t know why I couldn't
find an escape from it. My wife Rajni Sapru lacks education and rational thinking
so she is liable to be lured into taking wrong decisions after I am gone. Many hawks surround her. Therefore, I declare her eligible only for the
family pension, gratuity and other incidental benefits from the government
after my death. Since she has no children of her own, this money will be
sufficient for her maintenance, if spent prudently. Regarding my other assets
like savings in the form of Cash Certificates, FDRs and bank accounts besides
other fixed assets (complete details of which are listed and attached), I wish
a trust be constituted after my death with three members (Director Education Officer Delhi, Principal and Vice-Principal of the school where I worked for the last
fifteen years), and the full proceeds of the aforesaid assets are deposited in a
bank account in the name of this trust. The yearly interest earned by this
money should be paid to the three most deserving students of the school as a
scholarship every year. …. (S/d
Raghunath Sapru )"
By writing this Will Raghunath had tried to make
up for all the misdoings of his life but this change of heart can be attributed
to his condition of despair. When it was clear to him that his days were
numbered he thought of doing something good before he received the final call
from above. On the contrary, Rajni tried to gain sympathy from her relatives on
her husband’s death which she got. Relatives far and near gathered around her
expectantly. They wanted to make hay while the sun shines. Subsequently,
however, when they learned about the Will of Raghunath that he had given away
all his valuable assets including cash savings to a Trust instead of Rajni they
immediately withdrew and changed their stand. They thought, "There was no
purpose in showering any sympathy for her when she was deprived of her right on
the valuable property in Delhi left by her husband.” The result was Rajni found
no place to take refuge except at her sister's house where she could hardly
expect cold-shouldering.
The life of this couple raised many an eyebrow for
several years till dust gathered over their names forever. Everybody would
compare the two, their virtues and their vices. They often asked themselves,
"Who was right and who was wrong? Who was to blame for the mess? And
lastly, who lived a more fulfilling life?....... Raghunath, who escaped the life
of pain and pallor earlier than expected or Rajni who lived unmindful of pain
and pleasure up to the ripe age of eighty-two?"
I have not been able to find the appropriate answer to this million-dollar question.
*****
