Life Fouled Up And Doomed: English Short Story; Author: Deepak Budki; Translator: Jawahar Lal Bhat

Life Fouled Up And Doomed; English Short Story

 Author: Deepak Budki

 Translator: Jawahar Lal Bhat

Old Samuel stepped out of an auto-rickshaw near Link Road and walked a few steps with the help of a stick. He looked around desperately for some time trying to gather and cobble together his past life which he had spent merrily in this place. He moved slowly to the edge of the road and sat on a big boulder which had been lying there since times immemorial.

Today he had come here with a specific purpose and that was to recapitulate some of his old sweet memories of a wasted life. A network of wrinkles on his face spoke volumes about his mental turbulence and repentance. The main cause of his worry was the desolation of life at a time when he could hear the footfall of the approaching death. Day in and day out the void in his life was widening while he found himself surrounded by strangers. He could neither confide in anyone nor feel at ease with them. During the good old days, he hated the very idea of keeping a cow at home as milk was freely available in the market but now loneliness was bugging him all the time. In his youth, he was extraordinarily social and enjoyed the company of a large number of friends but now they maintained a distance from him on one pretext or the other, especially being busy with their own family matters. All that remained for Samuel was his own self and the four walls of his room where he was forced to spend the rest of his life and count the remaining hours!

He had recently returned from the metropolis of Mumbai, penitent and remorseful, as it had not suited him. That metropolitan city was full of strange faces who seemed to be wearing masks all the time to hide their reality and deceive people. Deception, at every step, at every turn, and at every crossroad! The maddening rush of people can be seen everywhere, men and women rubbing shoulders with each other in streets, in markets, in buses, and in local trains! Instead of joy and happiness, they share viruses and bacteria through an exchange of breath while standing close to each other in buses, trains and roadside eateries eating Pav-Bhaji or ice cream. Samuel had often wondered what was it that attracted him to this city leaving behind everything and here he had to face only failure and no success. 

Nevertheless, he had now returned permanently to his own town to spend the last days of his life. After spending so many precious years in Mumbai he had mentally drawn a balance sheet of his life out of curiosity and found neither assets nor liabilities mentioned in it. Whatever little he had laid aside evaporated like ether during the past year. Of late he was compelled to sell even his one-room dwelling in this town which he had inherited.

Sitting on the large boulder by the roadside, he intently watched the place where once stood graceful 'Leonard Fuelling Station'. He used to work at this station as a delivery boy since his early youth filling petrol and diesel in different types of vehicles. Those were the happiest days of his life. Unfortunately, the station was closed and dismantled by the highway development authorities after a few years with the aim to ease the movement of increasing traffic on the highway. A link road passing through the Petrol pump was constructed which connected with the highway five kilometres ahead. A strange thing happened as part of the road where vehicles used to stop in front of fuel dispensers for getting refuelled and believed to be impeding the free flow of traffic on the highway did not come under the line of demolition and therefore the petrol station pumps still stand there as a reminder of their past. However, they present quite a miserable sight now covered all over by a thick layer of dust. Though these were abandoned a long time ago, they speak volumes about what they had to undergo during their lives.

Samuel watched the fuel dispensers continuously for some time trying to trace back his own past life. There appeared a strange similarity between him and these deserted dispensers. He remembered a big signboard hanging in the background saying, 'Customer satisfaction is our goal'. While recollecting his past he associated with it all these leftovers, and a feeble smile gradually appeared on his face. Both the petrol station and his life were things of the past, everything had changed full circle.

He revisited the long-forgotten scenes at the petrol pump which came to life before him. Different types of vehicles, of varied make and model, used to drive in one after another other and stop near the petrol dispenser to get their tanks filled up. He would remove the lid of the tank instantly, put the fuel nozzle in, allow fuel to flow, and then wait for the tank to get topped up. After payments were received, the vehicles would simply dash off and disappear from the scene. This was his daily routine. Cars, buses, trucks, scooters and motorcycles would speed in and speed out while he would be left staring at them. The drivers,  both men and women, handsome and ugly, focused their attention on the fuel dispenser and no one gave even lowly attention to his robust athletic body. Rarely when there was a traffic jam or stoppage of vehicle movement due to civil commotion he had to keep waiting for long hours for normalcy to be restored. That was the opportune time for him to contemplate his own future. On such occasions, he would feel that his existence had been reduced to nought resulting in self-abnegation and self-hatred.

Samuel recollected how he had been appointed to the job at a very early age without any educational or technical qualifications. Since the work was not complex, he picked up its trivialities easily after facing some difficulty in the beginning and soon performed his job to the satisfaction of his employer. It was fortunate for him that a priest of a nearby church was happy with his playing guitar and used to call him occasionally for community events. The priest had taken pity on his poverty and recommended him for an appointment at the petrol station owned by a Christian. Samuel was on cloud nine when he heard the news from the Pastor and rushed back to his home in extreme delight.

To tell you something about his home may be interesting. It was just a large room in a slum area on the outskirts of the city which was left for him by his mother when she passed away a few years back. The room was used for all functions, sleeping, sitting cooking, eating and the rest. For excreting and bathing a common community toilet and a common bathroom adjacent to the colony were available. His mother had brought him up after picking him up at the age of two from an orphanage.

Unfortunately, Samuel developed a feeling that his life was getting wasted, so he wanted a change. He had no educational background whatsoever which could get him a job. The only thing he possessed was an athletic body and a handsome personality. Even reputed models would feel ashamed after seeing his sturdy and well-proportioned body. So he gathered his courage and decided to go to Mumbai to try his luck there. The next day he boarded the train to Mumbai.

As is usual with all newcomers in the city, he too had to face a lot of failures but he withstood them one by one. The pangs of hunger teased him the most. However, his Christian background and expertise in guitar helped him get work as a model for cigarettes and other minor newspaper ads. But that was not sufficient in a costly city like Mumbai. So day after day a strange feeling of helplessness and despair disturbed him and as a result, his courage broke down.

One day after coming out from the office of Globe Advertisers, Samuel was walking aimlessly on the Marine Drive swept over by thoughts of his distress and extreme desperation. The crimson colour of the horizon blended with the vast grey waters of the sea and presented a delightful scene no less intoxicating than a blush on the face of a voluptuous village belle. Only a few minutes earlier lights on the bounds of Marine Drive had been lit up and as usual, the atmosphere looked deeply romantic. After walking some distance immersed in deep thoughts he felt fatigued and in order to take a little rest, he stood against an electric pole. Suddenly he was aroused from his reverie when a speeding Mercedes stopped suddenly in front of him with a loud screech. He looked around to find out why the car had stopped though he could not see any petrol dispenser, Manager's cabin or a nozzle to fill petrol anywhere nearby. Instantly the door of the car opened and a pretty lady who was driving the car looked at him and signaled Samuel to come near and sit in her car. He looked around to find out whom she was signaling but there was nobody present except him. On being signalled again, he gestured with amazement to ensure that she was calling him. In response, she signalled back emphatically to let him know that she was truly entreating him and none else.  He waited a while, pulled himself together, and then sheepishly jumped into her car.

Shirin pulled together her dishevelled saree and said with a soft smile on her lips, “How are you?” 

Samuel was at a loss to understand how an unknown woman could call him in this fashion and let him sit with her in the car. Unconcerned, Shirin drove on without seeking his permission! He took a long breath and replied after a while. “I’m fine!”

Shirin was a woman in her early thirties with a yellowish-white complexion and a fleshy body. Shapely arms, trimmed fragrant hair flowing up to shoulders, long earrings, polished arc-tipped nails and light crimson painted curved soft lips.  She was wearing a well-set pink saree with a matching low-cut sleeveless blouse revealing the curves of her breasts and hairless armpits. Out of curiosity, Samuel’s eyes tried to have a glimpse of the breasts but he consciously brought them down instantly. Shirin watched him obliquely and felt gratified yet didn’t utter a word. The entire distance was covered in silence. At last, Shirin pulled up in the porch of a magnificent bungalow and then addressed Samuel, “Come on, let us get in, it is my house.”

Samuel tarried a while and looked around to see where he was. He could not believe his eyes when he saw the grandeur of the building he was invited to enter. Though reluctantly he moved his steps forward and followed Shirin who led him directly into her bedroom. She requested him to sit on the sofa available in the room. Meanwhile, Shirin opened her wine cabinet and filled two glasses of whiskey, one of them she presented to Samuel and another she held in her own hand. She also placed some snacks in quarter plates before him like cashew nuts, almonds and walnuts. While Samuel started taking sips of whiskey, Shirin went into the adjoining washroom to refresh herself and then dressed elegantly. After a few minutes, she returned wearing her translucent nightgown in which she looked like a fairy. She had also made some changes in her make-up to suit the occasion. She sat very close to Samuel, tossed her glass with his and said 'cheers' loudly and after some time both of them were engaged in kissing and lovemaking which went on for the greater part of the night.

In the morning tired Samuel woke up very late and almost jumped out of the heavily creased bed but to his surprise found Shirin had already left for her office. The maid came in and handed him over an envelope left by Shirin besides calling him for breakfast in the dining room. There was a letter in the envelope which read:

“I didn't like to disturb you while you were fast asleep. You seemed to have got tired during the night. I’m going to my office. I’ve placed ten thousand rupees under the pillow for you. Also instructed my maid to serve you breakfast before you leave. Wish to meet over again next Saturday!”

Samuel was immensely surprised. He thrust the notes into his pocket, washed his face quickly to get fresh and departed after having breakfast. On his way back he thought what a nice encounter did he experience -- ten thousand for just a single night. And there it started. Subsequently, a number of such dreamy nights followed. The idea that satiated him most was his athletic body had ultimately paid off.  He used to meet Shirin on Saturdays only. Slowly greed overpowered him and he started casting his net further into the murky waters. With the passing days, his needs also increased. On the other hand, Shirin got weary of him after a few months, found a substitute instead, and started avoiding him completely. As regards his profession he failed to find good and reputed firms for modelling assignments on a regular basis. All that he got was some occasional calls from advertisers for some betel, pan masala and cigarette companies which could hardly sustain him.

On the contrary, his new adventures were gaining ground. Almost every night he got a new companion, a new feeling and a new experience accompanied by hefty sums of money. What else would he crave? In such circumstances when money is raining one tends not to bother about one's future. Samuel seemed to go on with his present style of life quite satisfied not knowing what was lying in store for him in the future. However, one thing that he did not miss was attending the Church every Sunday to pay obeisance to the Lord. 

Suddenly one day a severe earthquake rocked his life. He was down with a high fever for several days and therefore went to the Christian Charity Hospital for treatment. He had to undergo a number of clinical tests and at last, the doctors delivered him the grievous news that he had tested positive for HIV. He felt as if the roof of the hospital had come crashing down upon him. He had to stay indoors in the hospital for many days and take costly imported medicines besides undertaking further tests till his fever subsided. Thereupon the doctor wrote some different medicines and discharged him from the hospital. By the time he had spent everything he had set aside for the rainy days.

The world seemed to have got dark for him once he came out of the hospital. Living in Mumbai was out of the question. So the next thing he did was buy railway tickets and go back to his own small town. The same evening he left the city and after reaching his town went direct to his room. Within a few days of his stay in the hometown, his friends and neighbours came to know that he had contracted AIDS which compelled him to return. All of them preferred to keep a distance from him. He felt lonely and abandoned. After staying in his house for some time he finally decided to sell it and get admitted to an AIDS shelter for the rest of his life.

Since then Samuel stays there in the AIDS shelter counting the last days of his life. He knows that nobody gets cured of this dreadful disease. Still, he felt assured by the words of the local priest who told him once that Christ had sacrificed himself for the sake of sinners like us.

Samuel knows his death is imminent and not many days are left now. He reads Bible daily in the morning as well as in the evening and prays to God to grant him peaceful death, forgive him for his sins and spare him from the torture of Hell. 

He is unable to sleep nowadays. The whole of the night he keeps thinking about each and every moment of his past. While reminiscing about his past, yesternight he thought of the Petrol Pump where he had worked long ago as a delivery boy on his first job. Those were the happiest days of his life. He wanted to relive those moments before his departure from the world. So he went out of the Shelter, hired a rickshaw, and got down at the place where many years ago stood a Petrol Pump which still had some remnants left. He sat on the boulder in an effort to relive his good old past looking intently at the deserted Petrol Pump.

 

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